Pity the Flat Earth True Believer

Pity the Flat Earth True Believer.

This little opinion piece is on why we should pity Flat Earth True Believers.

First, let us define “Flat Earther”. A Flat Earther is someone who SAYS that the earth is Flat. Emphasis on the word "says".

There are three types of Flat Earther: the Mercenary, the Troll and the True Believer

The Mercenary:

The Mercenary knows quite well that the earth is a globe. They claim the earth is flat to make money off of the True Believers. They can make money off of Youtube, from selling pamphlets, books, maps, models, by being paid to speak at Flat Earth conventions, etc. In addition to money the Mercenary gets attention and in some cases adulation.

The Troll:

Like the Mercenary, the Troll knows that the earth is a globe. They claim the earth is flat simply as a joke. They love arguing and so pick the most absurd position and argue it. They love annoying scientist and other intelligent people. For them this is an amusing hobby.

The True Believer:

The True Believer actually believes that the earth is flat. This could be due to a religious belief or specific interpretation of their religious text. Fear also plays a part. They seem to be afraid of a larger more complex world. But by far the major reason is a function of two factors; hubris and ignorance. In simple terms, if they can't understand something that thing must not be correct/true. They can't understand how gravity works so it must not exist. They can't understand how the earth could move without us feeling that movement so the earth must be stationary. They can't understand how the earth could be curved and yet look flat to the naked eye so the earth must be flat and so on.

It is enticingly easy to look upon these people as just deluded simpletons and their charlatan predators. Naive, ignorant, uninterested in any fact that will make them uncomfortable and ultimately harmless. However, there are darker and sadder sides to the Flat Earther. While all of these people pose a danger to society in that they promote a disregard for facts, logic and evidence, the True Believers are to be pitied.

True Believers live in a state of constant paranoia. In their universe every government, every scientist, every astronaut from every country, every teacher in the world is lying to them to protect the flat earth secret. They cannot articulate just why the intelligentsia of the earth would bother lying to them about the shape of the world but they are sure they are being lied to. The True Believer is convinced that billions of dollars are spent to fake manned space programs, communication satellites, GPS, weather satellites and planetary probes. They envision fleets of ships that are constantly on patrol to prevent people from going to Antarctica (despite dozens of Antarctic cruise offers that can be found with a single google search). They see all this and more happening just to perpetuate the “big lie” that the earth is a globe.

True Flat Earthers live in a pathetically small universe. In their universe the sun the moon and the stars are just lights in the sky, “luminaries” they call them. They live in a sad reality where there is no Saturn with it's magnificent rings, no Jupiter with it's court of nearly 100 moons. There are no spectacular galaxies with their grand spirals, no vast clouds of gases glowing vibrantly and giving birth to stars, no enigmatic black holes, no quasars, no super novas. There are just glowing lights above the prison dome.

True Believers reject the wonders of the universe as too complicated, confusing or terrifying to possibly exist. They cannot grasp or are too frightened to acknowledge the majestic dance of the planets around the sun and the grand promenade of stars in the Milky Way about the galactic center.

The True Believer's world is a flat plain of dirt and sea, 25,000 miles across, from which we cannot escape. They live in a universe where mankind has never “slipped the surly bonds of Earth” and looked upon our world from another.

For the Believer there can be no great question of “are we alone?” to inspire research and exploration and dreams. In the Flat Earth universe there is only the True Believer, alone, content to be imprisoned on his small snow-globe world with his small thoughts and smaller aspirations.

What will be the result of the True Believer's fear and confusion? Simple: The meek will inherit the Earth, the rest of us will go to the stars.